I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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