I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
