You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize