In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
