so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
