We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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