Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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