I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
