imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Shame - the story of my life.
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