Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
