it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize