well I can't set my house on fire every night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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