why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
