The beer is more important than you right now.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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