all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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