I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
