I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
