just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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