the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
where are my eyebrows?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize