Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
