Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
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