someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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