I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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