Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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