you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
