I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
