so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
