Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
