I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
