I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
