sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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