Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
