Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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