I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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