I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
