grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
