hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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