he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize