Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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