woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
