if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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