i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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