Moan for me like Helen Keller
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
