Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
