Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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