im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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