the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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