I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize