I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
