I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
