i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
