I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
either way he was missing a nipple.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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