We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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