If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
