i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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