She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
