Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
