It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
