I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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