Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Panties = found
Randomize
