your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
