I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize