I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
