Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
