Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You were trust falling into bushes
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
