Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
