I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
