I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
