In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
