Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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