Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
