i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
is it fun? or sober?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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