So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
