I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
