I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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