There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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