Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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