Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
