Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
