I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
