oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
