He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
there is glitter all over my balls
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