i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
God I need to hump something, right now.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
