If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
