the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
