she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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