Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
this will be a night to untag.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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