I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
