Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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