It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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