Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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