guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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