Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
