Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
A bitchslap is in order.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
